5 Expert Tips for Building a Strong Parent-Surrogate Relationship

Surrogacy is a personal journey that brings together hopeful parents and compassionate surrogates in a united mission. While legal contracts and medical procedures are an essential part of the process, the emotional connection between intended parents (IPs) and surrogates is as important. 

Whether you’re the surrogate or the IP, creating a healthy, open, and supportive parent-surrogate relationship can make the surrogacy process more rewarding for everyone, including the baby.

At Great Beginnings Surrogacy Services in San Diego, California, our fertility and surrogacy expert, Dr. Samuel Wood, shares his expert tips on how to build a strong parent-surrogate relationship.

1. Start with the right match

The surrogacy journey is deeply personal, and you want to share it with someone you feel connected to. The right match is one where conversation feels easy, values align, and mutual respect is present from the start.

At Great Beginnings, we take the matching process seriously. We get to know surrogates and IPs in depth before sharing background information. Only when both parties express interest do we arrange an interview.

We then give you time to talk and learn about each other and determine if it feels like the right match. We continue until we find the match that feels comfortable and natural for both parties. 

2. Set the tone for communication 

Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s no different between IPs and surrogates. Being upfront about your hopes, concerns, and expectations helps set the tone and establishes ground rules and boundaries.

Decide how often you want to check and the preferred form of communication (phone, text, or email). Additionally, talk about the kind of support each of you needs. Clear communication builds trust and reduces misunderstandings. 

3. Stay involved

It’s important to set boundaries between IPs and surrogates, but that doesn’t mean hands off. The parent-surrogate relationship is a partnership that works best when both parties are involved in the process. 

IPs can support their surrogate by attending milestone appointments, such as the first prenatal appointment or an ultrasound test. They can also send kind messages in between check-ins to let the surrogate know that they’re thinking about them.

Surrogates can help IPs feel more involved by sharing updates after appointments or sending ultrasound pictures. Small efforts like these help IPs feel connected to their growing baby.

4. Respect each other’s space

The surrogate and intended parent each play a powerful, but distinct role in the surrogacy journey. Respecting each other’s personal lives, decisions, and boundaries is crucial. 

When differences arise, approach them with understanding and compassion instead of criticism. 

5. Show gratitude

A simple thank you can go a long way in building a stronger parent-surrogate relationship. Whether it’s a heartfelt message or a thoughtful gesture, showing appreciation builds trust. 

Surrogacy is an emotional journey, and consistent appreciation helps maintain trust and goodwill on both sides.

A strong parent-surrogate relationship can change the overall experience for both of you. Take the time to work on the relationship to build the trust and bonds that benefit you and the baby. 

If you’re considering surrogacy, we can help, guiding you through every step of the process. Call us today to schedule a consultation.