Choosing to become a surrogate is a deeply personal and life-changing decision. While an incredibly generous act, surrogacy is physically, emotionally, and legally complex. The relationship you have with the IPs is one of the most important parts of the experience.
Good communication, mutual respect, and shared values strengthen that relationship. Asking intended parents (IPs) the right questions early on can help ensure a positive and fulfilling experience for all parties involved.
At Great Beginnings Surrogacy Services in San Diego, California, Dr. Samuel Wood and our experienced team of coordinators are experts in matching surrogates with their ideal IPs. However, the final decision on whether to move forward is up to you and the IPs.
To help guide that first conversation and support the decision-making process, here’s a list of questions you should ask IPs before committing.
Understanding the IPs’ motivation for choosing surrogacy can give you insight into their emotional journey and expectations. Each family’s path to surrogacy is different; some may have struggled with years of infertility, while others may be LGBTQIA couples eager to become parents.
This question helps you connect with the IPs on a more personal level.
Surrogacy is a legal agreement that outlines rights, responsibilities, and protections for both parties. A well-drafted contract ensures everyone is on the same page and minimizes misunderstandings as you go through the surrogacy process.
Knowing whether the IPs consulted with an attorney can give you a sense of how prepared and serious they are about surrogacy and growing their family.
Knowing the type of relationship the IPs want with you can help you determine if it’s the right match. Some IPs may hope for frequent updates, regular check-ins, and in-person visits, while others may prefer little contact.
Ask the IPs how often they want to talk, if they’d like to meet your family, and how involved they want to be in your life during the pregnancy. These questions help make sure your comfort level and boundaries are in alignment.
Do the IPs want to attend every prenatal visit? Do they want to be in the delivery room? Their level of involvement can affect your emotional and logistical experience.
While you’re carrying the baby for them, it’s your body and your journey. It’s important to have mutual understanding and respect when it comes to the pregnancy.
Some IPs may have specific requests for you. They may want you to follow a special diet, avoid certain activities, or limit travel.
This question provides an opportunity to discuss the type of lifestyle and self-care that the IPs expect from you. You want to make sure their requests are reasonable and respectful.
Surrogacy isn’t always a straightforward process; sometimes, difficult decisions arise. For example, some IPs want to exercise selective reduction if multiple embryos implant in the uterus, and some want to terminate the pregnancy if complications occur.
These medical procedures are emotionally and ethically complex, and it’s essential to understand the IPs' views so you’re aligned as you move through the surrogacy process.
IPs are responsible for medical costs related to the pregnancy. Many may also provide additional compensation to the surrogate for their time, effort, and sacrifice.
It’s important to know whether the IPs are financially prepared to support the surrogacy and if their compensation plan seems fair to you.
Surrogacy can create deep emotional bonds. Some surrogates and IPs form life-long friendships, while others prefer closure after the baby is born.
Discussing expectations for your post-birth relationship can help you avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Good communication and shared values are key to a successful surrogate and IP relationship and a joyful journey. Having open and honest discussions at the start of your relationship helps establish expectations and set the stage for a positive experience for everyone.
If you’re considering surrogacy and want to learn more about the process, we’re here to help. Call us today at 858-922-8544 for a free phone consultation.